worthless
by mildlyholmes
Summary: Because sometimes, it's not about doing what you want to do, but what you need to do. /Break-up, angst, betrayal, acceptance. Tony comes to terms with the fact that the one person he trusts most has hurt him. IronWidow - partly inspired by 'Should've Said No' by Taylor Swift


**Um so I was listening to some bad break up songs, and this emerged... It could have been any other couple, but I figured Tony and Natasha could be interesting, and there's not many fics of them, so voila.**

**This is kind of an apology for not being able to update more often: I've got mocks coming up next week! Wish me luck!**

**So yeah. Have some angst.**

* * *

_"The initial reaction is physical... you literally feel like someone has hoofed you directly in the stomach. Your head tends to swim... kind of dizzy, then 1000 thoughts and questions swarm your brain. You can't seem to gather your senses, and then theres a moment of disbelief... and I think that's a totally human way of protecting yourself from the pain you know is about to come. A type of denial I guess. When it does all sink in and you start to wrap your head around it there are definate stages you go through; anger, sorrow, eventual acceptance. Experts put it on the same scale as mourning because of the stages you go through - they're the same. Let's face it, when someone cheats the relationship generally dies, so you're suffering loss."_

* * *

When he finds out, his world stops turning.

She, who swore never to leave him, did something unforgivable. And he knows it's unforgivable because when he thinks of her, her image is tainted and dirty and not at all _her. _

It breaks his heart, but he knows that he needs to end it.

* * *

It's funny that she's the one who ends up cheating on him.

He's Tony Stark for fucks sake, and having been a playboy for half his life, he thought that she'd be worried about _him_ cheating on her, and never thought that she'd be the one to fuck their relationship up.

Natasha Romanoff, master assassin and seductress - she really lives up to her name.

* * *

It's Steve who tells him.

He's in the workshop, working with Butterfingers on new upgrades for the suit, and the blonde man walks in hesitantly, with a look of sympathy and dejection on his face. Immediately, Tony knows he won't like what Steve has to tell him.

"What?" he demands, wishing that he could just wipe the sympathy off his expression. Whatever the situation is, Tony Stark doesn't do sympathy.

Steve bites his lip, and looks at him apologetically. "It's Natasha..."

He tells Tony about how he was up one night to get some snacks, and he heard some noises in Clint's room. It was one of those days when Tony was on a business trip, last week, actually. Being the sexually-deprived idiot that he was, Steve thought that the panting and heavy breathing was in fact the archer suffocating, and had rushed in to help. What he didn't expect, though, was a certain redhead tangled in Clint's sheets, pinning the man down. Her back was bare, and her hair was in a tangled mess, but what made Steve gasp in shock was the way her lower body was attached to Clint's, and her hand trailing downwards. She had immediately rolled off Clint and covered herself at Steve's interruption, but the damage was done, and he ran out before they could say a word.

"I'm sorry," Steve mutters, "you didn't deserve to find out this way. But I had to tell you."

"You're wrong," Tony says , shaking his head. "Tasha wouldn't do this to me. You're lying." His tone is almost desperate, and Steve feels his heart break for his teammate, and recently, friend.

"Tony, it's true," he says softly, "I don't want to believe it either, but it's true."

"She wouldn't do that," he says again, and sinks down on his chair. Steve doesn't want to confirm his thoughts, and part of him wants to just let Tony live in denial and just forget it ever happened, but it wasn't right.

"JARVIS," Steve asks quietly, "where was Natasha last Thursday night?"

_"She spent the night in Mister Barton's room, sir,_" the AI replies cooly, and Tony presses his palms into his eyes. There's not much to read from Tony's expression, but Steve knows that he feels like his heart is being ripped in two.

"I'm sorry for telling you," he tells the billionaire quietly.

"No," Tony says, and there's a hollow tone in his voice that makes Steve flinch. "Thanks for telling me. I needed to know this."

He turns his back to Steve, and runs his fingers through his hair, pulling on his roots. Steve watches quietly for a moment as Tony sits down and lets out a strangled breath, but then he goes and leaves the former womaniser to grieve.

* * *

He sees her the next day.

"Hey," she greets him casually, walking into his study (Tony withdrew there once in a while to escape from the team's loudness) and closing the door behind her. Her posture is calm and she seems completely _normal _and it pisses Tony off because he knows that she isn't planning on telling him. Tony watches with careful eyes as she sits down on the sofa next to his armchair, and the only thing that runs through his mind is that looking at her feels so incredibly _wrong. _

"Hi," he says stiffly, and his entire plan of making her admit her actions flies out of the window because he's beyond pissed. He's livid. She told him that she loved him, she held him with her heart and tore down his walls - to betray him. Just like every fucking body else in his life.

She tenses a bit at his stiff tone, but doesn't comment on it, although he sees her jaw twitching. "I brought you coffee," she offers, holding out the Starbucks cup he didn't notice before.

He doesn't feel like playing with her and making her admit it, because he's so _angry _- and he won't admit it, but hurt - that she has the fucking _nerve _to show up and act like everything's normal when it's not. To act like she loves him when she really doesn't. "What the fuck are you playing at?" he hisses, ignoring the cup she holds out.

Thankfully, she doesn't pretend like she doesn't know what he's talking about. Natasha merely exhales quietly and sets the drink down on the table, meeting his eyes. "I can explain -"

"Oh yeah, sure, explain," he says sarcastically, leaning back against his seat and folding his arms. He raises his eyebrows when she doesn't respond. "I'm waiting," he prods harshly.

"Matthew's dead," she says bluntly, referring to a SHIELD agent she had been close to. "They told me last week, and Matt had just gotten married - and I flipped. I was angry because his life was _so fucking unfair, _didn't you know that? And you weren't there, but Clint was, and Bobbi left him, and -" She uncharacteristically leaves the sentence hanging, at a loss of words to say.

Tony just looks at the woman he loved for seven months, but instead of seeing _his _Tasha, he sees Clint's dirty fingerprints all over her body, taking him away from her. It's honestly strange to think that the one constant thing in his life for seven fucking months - but it felt like a decade - is gone, just like that. Because he knows that they can never be the same.

"Normal people mourn and cry," Tony says quietly, "they don't have sex with someone else."

"I know," she replies softly. "But it's in the past, just once. I will never do it again, I promise you."

His eyes meet hers and he sees an apology, but not defeat. He realises that she doesn't actually think that he's going to end this because of one small night, but spending an intimate night with someone who wasn't him when they were in a relationship isn't right.

She leans towards him, a determined look in her eyes. "I'll make it up to you, I promise," she says firmly, and takes his hand. But where there used to be warmth is an iciness that stings, and he jerks his hand back. She looks up to him, almost confused.

"Nothing can make up for this," he glares at her, and she's almost a stranger to him as her brows crease and her mouth opens in protest. He gets up, heading towards the door, when she stops him.

"Tony, honestly, I wasn't thinking -"

"Well you should have!" Tony hisses, turning back to look at her, livid. "It should have gone through your fucking _complex _mind that we were together, and sleeping with other people wasn't acceptable! I should have been there in the back of your mind when you decided to do it with him, and for fucks sakes, it's _Clint, _our teammate, my _friend, _and you slept with him!"

She watches him quietly with her large, green eyes watering slightly, and a part of him softens and just wants to take her into his arms and hold her close and forgive her, but he can't. He just can't.

"And you're smart enough to know that I'd find out about this, Tasha," he continues, the volume of his voice increasing steadily. "You should have known, and you should have been thinking about me and you should have _stopped."_

"I know," she says quietly again, and this makes him let out a shout of anger.

"Yeah, I know you know, so why didn't you?" he yells, refusing to even come close to her. "You know what? I sacrificed so much for you. Pepper, my reputation, my _job_," he reminds her harshly, referring to his official position in SHIELD as a consultant, and the fact that Fury was ready to kick him off the team because of undisclosed relationships. "And this is what you do to me?"

"I'm so sorry, Tony," she bites her lip, blinking back tears. "I love you," she tries, but he merely laughs bitterly.

"Don't you dare say that," he says dangerously, "because it's not fucking true."

At this, she opens her mouth hotly. "You know how hard it was for me to admit it to _myself, _much more to _you. _Don't you dare question that -"

"If you love me, you wouldn't have done this!" he roars, kicking aside a chair in anger. She doesn't do anything to stop him, and flinches when he moves closer to her. "You wouldn't have taken my heart and ripped it to pieces," his voice lowers to almost a whisper, going from anger to betrayal, and she doesn't wipe away the tears that flow freely down his face. Because she hadn't intended to break him, she never would have.

"Tony -" she reaches to touch his face, but he shoves her hand away roughly.

"We're done," he says hollowly, and she flinches despite herself. "I can't be with you because all I see now when I look at you is his hands all over you. You're not you anymore."

"What the fuck do you mean, I'm not me?" she asks incredulously, her voice rising. "I haven't _changed, _Tony, I'm still the same person -"

"I don't want to see you anymore," he interrupts her.

"You don't mean that," she half-laughs, half-pleads, crossing the room and pulling his head towards hers. Her incredible strength catches him off guard and he feels her lips against his one last time, before he pushes her away roughly, wiping his lips.

"Don't touch me," he growls, and she freezes. "Get. Out."

Natasha Romanoff isn't the one to be ordered around, but she knows that she deserves what he's giving her. Because she's hurt him in the most unimaginable way possible, and it kills her to leave him, but understands him, somehow. She deserves it, but it doesn't mean that she's used to it, and it angers her that he's treating her this way even though she knows completely why he's behaving like this. So she walks towards the door purposefully, angrily wiping the tears that fell down her cheeks.

"Was it worth it?" She stops, and turns, seeing him standing there with the same hardened expression, his body half turned away from the door.

"What?" she asks, although she heard perfectly what he had said.

"Was he worth this?" he asks again, and she sees the hurt and hardened look in his eyes, and as much as she'd like to lie, she just can't.

So she tells the truth. "Never," she says quietly, hoping miraculously, that he'll take her back and forgive her, and she'd be allowed to be just a girl in love around him, not controlled, emotionless Agent Romanoff.

But he merely nods and turns away, walking towards the desk in his room. She holds back a sob and slams the door behind her, fighting to keep her expression neutral and cursing when she feels her lips tremble; she's a master spy for Odin's sakes, she should be able to control her expressions - but it doesn't work, and she runs to her room before slamming the door behind her and falling to the floor in a fitful of sobs.

* * *

In the study, Tony pours himself a glass of scotch and downs it in one go, before smashing it against his desk. He loves Natasha, and will probably always will - and he hates himself for it. Because even though she cheated on him and he should hate her, there is still a huge part of him that wants to apologise for everything and take her back into his arms and just forget about the whole thing.

But then he remembers what she did again, and his thoughts harden. No, he can't take her back. It's not revenge for what she did to him, to hurt her like she hurt him - it's justice, because she needs to know that what she did was wrong and it can't be forgiven. Not according to Tony, anyway.

He's just going to have to get over it and move on. And although it's not what he wants to do, it's what he _needs _to do.


End file.
